Life lessons and relationships

QUESTION: Masters, I have a continuous fear in my relationship. I’ve had it with every intimate relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve logically concluded that I can’t blame my parents or my past any more. Logically I open myself to the fact that my partner is on his own journey and will take whatever path he desires. I will still be whole and on my own journey if that occurs. However, the fears still come up. I’ve tried working with them, journaling, feeling through them, ignoring them, etc. Why do these fears constantly come up for me and what can I do to work through them? I know my flaws and I don’t want to hurt myself and hurt my beloved, but at some level maybe I do in order to stay in control? I see how good he is and he treats me extremely well but the doubts remain. ~Raven, United States

ANSWER: Your fears and doubts are the signposts showing you where your life lessons are presenting themselves to you. Using logic is relying on what society says should happen and what has worked for others as they have reported. Logic is judgment – the work of the ego – and has nothing to do with a spiritual evaluation of the events you are facing.

The fears keep returning because you are thinking about them logically but not dealing with them emotionally and spiritually. They pop up because there is a lesson triggering their appearance and you are not paying attention to it. When one appears ask yourself: Why is this here? How does it make me feel? What past event did I bury instead of completing the learning process?

Don’t “think” the answers, but allow yourself to “feel” them. This will take you to the events you need to work through. You can then see what you have been holding on to instead of releasing. Acknowledge that you can clean these things out of your “closet” and have room to live without these ghosts remaining in hiding.

“Flaws” are your excuse for looking the other way when changes are required. Being in control is one of your lessons. Control is an illusion. No one can really control another unless that person consents. No one can control a situation because with each additional person involved, there are that many variables to multiply into the equation until it is overwhelming.

Hold on to and unconditionally love that fantastic man you have. You have nothing to doubt about him. See him for who he is and don’t paint him with your fears from any other time in your life.