Assuming control
QUESTION: Masters, I would like to ask about my dreams I have seen the whole of my life. In these dreams I usually escape group of people. This group is sometimes society. But I also feel that I have no larger problems about society I live, so I think it’s not the point. What do those dreams mean? Another question is about taking control of my life. Why do I have problems about taking control of my life? Do I try to please others too much, for example in my relationship? And why taking control is especially hard with my wife? ~Joonas, Finland
ANSWER: Your dreams and your life are intertwined. You live in fear of people not liking you and telling you what they want you to do that you do not want to do – yet feel compel to perform. You are not able to say no to those who ask you to do things for them. You are not in control of your life.
The dreams show how everyone is chasing you and seeking you out to get you to work for them. It isn’t just society but everyone who comes in contact with you. How did this come about? You gave them permission to control you because you lack confidence in yourself and your abilities. You have convinced yourself that doing for others is because you are kind, giving, and charitable.
There is no problem with living your life this way if you so desire. Nothing is right or wrong on the spiritual path to wisdom. If you wish to have a say in your own life, then learn to say no to those requests you do not really want to fulfill. People will be upset at first because you have always been obliging and a slave for them, but honor yourself and do only what you truly want to do.
Your wife found you to be a puppet whom she could control, since you always did what she wanted. You weren’t being yourself when you first started dating but chose to be who you thought she wanted you to be. The two of you have never been honest with each other. You established a relationship based on the lies of a person who was subservient (you) and one who was controlling and manipulative (her).
It is time to decide if you wish to be truthful to yourself. What do you really want? Do you wish to control your own life or continue to let others direct it? The choice is up to you.