Who’s being selfish?

Question: Masters, I have a complicated relationship. We love each other very much, but we have very different perspectives on life and that has always been a problem, because he’s very childish and sometimes selfish. I’m now pregnant and he’s going to another country to work for more money, even though I asked him to stay with me. I always choose to love unconditionally, but this time I feel the urge to do something for me and my baby, instead of just letting it be his decision once again and hanging on to someone that doesn’t seem capable of being responsible. Am I being selfish? Could I be throwing my happiness away? ~Andreia, Portugal

ANSWER: It is a fact that you cannot get people to do something they do not wish to do. Your mate loves that you love him unconditionally and takes advantage of that fact. He is selfish in many ways since he really only thinks of himself and his desires. He is not concerned about you or the baby.

Getting the opportunity to leave you for a job away from you makes him able to justify not being around to help as you get ready to have the child. He won’t be there for the child care and sleepless nights. He doesn’t see this as anything he should be or wants to be involved in. He can barely take care of himself; how is he ever going to be able to take care of a child?

You are not being selfish; you are being reasonable. You see that your opinions should have an impact on the relationship, and he refuses to accept that. It is time to decide if you wish to start making your own decisions instead of going along with everything he wants. It is time to take back and assert your power.

You will have to define what you see as happiness. To some it is allowing others to make all the decisions and not having to take any responsibility. To others it is using their freedom of choice to control their life and making all the decisions concerning their existence.

Nothing is right or wrong. There are many ways to learn lessons in this life. It is your choice if you wish to remain in this situation or change it and look for another. Happiness can generally be found where you feel good about yourself and the life you are leading.