My friend triggers my inner demons
QUESTION: Masters, please help me understand what is happening in regards to my horrid attitude, jealousy and bad feelings towards my best friend that’s been building for a couple of years. I’m trying to work out how to heal this rift that has been forming but am struggling to be compassionate and have kind thoughts about her and her intentions. Please help as this is really upsetting for me as it is only with her that I am this way. ~Belle, UK
ANSWER: In one word – expectations! You have been so close with this friend for so many years that you had your whole lifetime together, with parallel lives, planned out in minutiae. Growing up you had a balance of who would do what and who was leader in various activities.
As you have grown up you now see she isn’t following your imagined pattern for her life. There are certain aspects of her life that you had believed would be yours. You have not achieved these goals and your “traitorous” friend has.
You need to reevaluate what this friend means to you. You can remain in competition with her or you can realize you each have separate lives, and your thoughts and dreams have no effect on her. The way you are finding yourself feeling about her has to do with your disappointment concerning your own life and the things in which you feel you have not succeeded.
It is time to forgive yourself for not meeting your own expectations. It is time to stop blaming her for not doing what you had planned for her to do. She is a very strong soul and exercises her freedom of choice to match her own desires. She does not intentionally do anything to make you feel bad. She is just following her own journey.
Stop imagining that she is intentionally trying to harm you or get you mad or jealous of her. Accept that she is on her own path and honor her journey. Allow her to be herself. Stop anticipating what should happen between the two of you and just go with the flow of the universe.
If you feel you are unable to step away from the drama that has grown between the two of you, then you should consider stepping away from contact with her until you can resolve the anger and jealousy you are harboring. Placing yourself into an untenable situation for you emotionally will not allow you to resolve the conflict.
Examine the feelings you are having and ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are. When you reach the source of the discomfort, you will be able to easily resolve your problems. Give it a try if you want to maintain this relationship.