Reacting, not acting

QUESTION: Masters, my mother’s whole life is full of pains- unfaithful husband, jealous siblings and ignorance from her parents. She is eager in searching of the love of others but afraid to get betrayed again. The only comfort in her life is me. I tried to make her understand that her life lessons might be to learn independence, self-love and forgiveness. But the hatred and sadness she holds blocked her from listening to me. She blames her miserable life on others. How can I help her understand? I am afraid if she didn’t learn she has to carry those lessons on to next life and life would be another tough one. Can life lessons only be learned by the person itself? Can I be in any assistance? What’s the relationship between my mum and I? ~Kongkong, China

ANSWER: Life lessons are for the soul alone. No one can take the burden from others or learn the underlying task for them. All you can do is share your knowledge about the soul’s journey with your mother and see if she wants to accept other possibilities than the belief systems she is clutching so dearly to her bosom.

People are only able to receive from others what they will accept. Your mother refuses to accept that she has had a part in any of the negative things that have inhabited her life. She has not looked into the motivations of others and seen why they had the tendency to treat her as they did. She was not a really pleasant person to grow up around and was always finding fault with others.

Your mother created the negativity. She was jealous of some of her siblings’ abilities and families, and that she took to be their jealousy of her life. Her parents were not too concerned about what happened around the house and left the day-to-day interactions to the children. Your mother felt she should be “protected” from the others and afforded a status almost as a princess. No one in the family saw the situation like that. She became very bitter.

She carried her bitterness into her marriage and gave little consolation to her husband, making him seek solace somewhere else. She has never tried to share her life with anyone except you. Her hatred has painted everything she sees with black negativity. She has to find love for herself before she can shed the darkness and find the light.

She can change her whole attitude if she will release her fear and hatred. She can go forward from today, letting go of the past to which she is clinging. Whenever she starts to talk about the bad times, ask her to picture only a happy moment and stop being trapped in the past. Today, she can make positive love energy and slip away from the negativity.