Stuck in an imaginary world
QUESTION: Masters, I am “stuck” feeling like I am in an imaginary potential relationship with a guy that is in another relationship. I feel bad for liking him. I learned a few lessons through this experience but still can’t seem to get him out of my mind. He is also a type of boss to me, which is holding me back from pursuing a dream job. I would like to stop feeling confused and self-conscious when he is around. What can I do to stop attracting him into my life, get closure and go ahead with this job? ~Lisa, Israel
ANSWER: You are firmly stuck in a play for which you have written the script. You have the ability to modify your part in any way you want. Right now you have put yourself in a very safe position. You are head-over-heels, desiring a man whom you cannot possibly have at this time. Therefore there is no chance that you can be rejected or get hurt in this relationship. What makes it difficult is your proximity to this man. In most situations of this kind, a woman would pick out a famous person she doesn’t have to deal with on a daily basis.
You do not trust that you deserve someone who has the same qualities as this man, so it is safe to desire one who is already committed to another person. Why do you feel bad? It is your dream, your illusion. You can feel bad only if you accept that you are harming someone. But who is that? The only one feeling uncomfortable here is you. You have made it impossible to find happiness.
Your confusion in his presence is thinking that he might be aware of your infatuation with him. You are attracting him because you put out an energy that you want to be with him. It is not spoken, but can easily be felt between two people. To stop attracting his attention you need to stop thinking that you want him. This will change your self-consciousness when he is around.
Until you rewrite your part to search for another man, you will be stuck in this loop of confusion and heartache. Start with a description of your ideal mate, then your ideal job; you may find that changing your own job is the answer to your problems. You deserve a man who will love you for who you are, and who will want to share his life with you.