Paying for infidelity

QUESTION: Masters, I left my home town in England when I was going through a bad period with my wife to accept a job in Switzerland that appeared to suit my skills perfectly. However, my life has changed and I find the job is very stressful. I have a lovely relationship with a lady here, but my wife in the UK is hurt beyond measure. I meditate, am a novice Out-of-Body-Experiencer, and believe I have been able to contact my guide. Unfortunately, I feel as though I am failing with my spiritual efforts, my work, and my relationships with my colleagues. I sleep badly and have terrible thoughts in the early morning. I accept full responsibility for my actions. What should I do? Is it a karmic consequence of what I have done to my wife? ~John, Switzerland

ANSWER: You and your wife have a number of contracts you agreed to work on in this life. The period of difficulty that drove you to Switzerland was ego based in both of you. When you start out a relationship not being true to yourself but acting as you think the other person wants you to, you are on a shaky foundation. As the marriage continued it was impossible to live a lie with each other and your egos came out, causing you to be repelled by the other person as if you were strangers.

During the time you have been away, your wife has forgotten the reasons for the differences and imagines you as you were at the beginning of the union. She is not being realistic but living in a dream world. You can only see from your perspective and, since you loved her romantically very much, blame yourself for the fact you have been able to move on while she has not. People can be hurt only if they allow themselves to feel the hurt.

Your current lady friend is someone with whom you were yourself from the beginning. You had nothing to prove, no expectations, so it was easy to just be yourself. This feels so good and uncomplicated it feels safe. Spiritually this is a lesson that you learned. Life is about who you are, not who you pretend to be.

You equate taking responsibility for your actions with taking the “blame” for how others are affected and how everyone feels about a situation. Everything in your life now—your stress at work, your regret about your wife’s feelings, your terrible thoughts—is being driven by what you think you deserve. If you want to paint yourself as the “evil one,” deserving of punishment, you are doing a great job.

It is time to decide how the rest of your life will play out. Will you scourge yourself for the rest of your life? Will you go back to a marriage that will not work because it was based on lies? Or will you forgive yourself for being human and living your life by learning difficult lessons? Freedom of choice is awaiting.