Look in the mirror
QUESTION: Masters, I decided to cut off most of the friendships I have including those who had given me greatest and at the same time the most painful memories for deciding to leave them. The group is always on my mind. I held resentment for friends outside the group as they just wouldn’t understand my point to join me in my quest. I need to go as I can’t find any meaning of staying as I can no longer contribute to the group feeling full of regret and resentment. I just can’t let go. Every day I think of them, the happy times we had. What should I do? I want to get my mind off them. ~June, Singapore
ANSWER: What you are saying over and over again is you do not choose to be alone. You do not choose to be responsible for your decisions and your life. You are paranoid concerning others’ thoughts. You are constantly second-guessing everything that you do. You want the approval and acceptance of others before you can feel good about what you do and where you are. You apply a major significance to the minor interactions that occur within the group dynamic.
It is time to finally acknowledge that no one can affect the way your life is going but yourself. It is unimportant what others think, say, or do regarding your life. It is also impossible for you to know truly what anyone else is thinking or feeling about the way you are leading your life, since you do not inhabit their physical being.
It is time to put a mirror in front of yourself that will not allow you to see anything else. Start living your life by examining the way you react to things from outside you. Take each incident and see how it makes you feel. Ask why you feel that way; that will show you the problems you are really hiding from. Go into those situations and acknowledge what the facts are within and how you wish to resolve them. Others have nothing to do with the feelings you have about them or yourself. When you work on yourself you will not be fixated on the others.