Looking for the truth

QUESTION: Masters, I am very unhappy trying to live with my husband. He travels constantly and really even lives in a different country to me. I want to have a life together with him but I can’t seem to find the truth of what is happening. We now appear to not have much money as he has lost his position. Could you please tell me what is happening and what to do? I am lonely and stuck in all ways, emotionally, physically, and financially. ~Jan, Malaysia

ANSWER: Your husband is that in name only. He has carved out his own life in his own way. He has never confided much in you and just let you take care of the “house.” You have to ask yourself what you think your marriage represents. It certainly does not represent a couple sharing all their daily problems and triumphs. When was the last time you spent any time together discussing your joint life? This is an indication of the shell your marriage has become.

It is now freedom-of-choice time. You must decide if this is a sufficient existence for you or if you need to move on. It is very difficult for you to get a straight answer out of your husband about your current state of affairs. He has not been open with you in a very long time. If you wish to remain in this pattern, then do nothing. If you think there is a possibility of saving this marriage, push him into talking to you. If you think everything has become hopeless, then it is time to move on with your own life separately.

Fear is a powerful adversary. You perceive anything other than the present situation as more scary than what you can see and understand. But that is not necessarily correct. Because you have never had to manage on your own for any length of time you think you cannot do it. You have all the capabilities to manage your life on your own—if you choose to do it.

You are a beautiful, magnificent person with all the background needed to take care of yourself. You have a good support group that will assist. Whether your choice is to go it alone, or to confront your husband to find out what is actually happening in his world, the sooner you do it the faster you will be on the road to moving out of “stuckville” and into the exciting future.