Is it time to leave my marriage?
QUESTION: Masters, please help me understand the relationship I have with my husband. Everything is fine seen from the exterior. We have many things in common and share an international lifestyle envied by many. During more than 20 years of quarreling, the marriage has not been emotionally happy. When I tried to get help from several therapists for us, my husband disregarded my efforts. When I finally felt ready to leave him, now he has become very gentle and is trying to do everything in order to make me happy, but I feel our relationship has changed and I should go my way—separate from him. I find I am unable or afraid to do it and to tell him. What is this all about? What is the inner agreement of our souls and what is my soul’s higher purpose in this? ~Kaisa, Finland
ANSWER: Your two souls set up a series of trials for each other. You wanted to experience coming to realization about freedom of choice when confronted with self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, control, and responsibility issues. You have been confronting these tests but not accepting the outcome.
The excitement of your life drew you into accepting whatever your husband decided was going to be—hence no responsibility for you. Now you are considering taking that power back and making your own decisions. The fear you feel is tied up with the self issues. You don’t believe you can live alone. You don’t think you have what it takes to manage your life without him. And who would be there to love and provide for you?
Your husband senses you are getting stronger and close to realizing you are capable of existing without him, so he has decided to invest some of himself to keep you around. He is becoming what you thought he was when you married him: sweet, gentle, and obliging. You have been a possession of his throughout your time together and he does not want to admit he could not keep you.
Your fear to tell him what you feel is part of an old belief system which says the man is always in control and right about everything: you must be an obedient little wife. You have given him your power to make decisions about your life for so long that you are hesitant to take over. You must accept that you know more about what will make you happy than he does. Admit to yourself you are as powerful as he is, as all souls are alike.
The secret ingredient to a fulfilling life on Earth is tapping in to self-love. All souls originate from an unconditionally loving Source, and their essence is unconditional love. Few ever bring that love into a physical life. Do that and you can do anything.