Running away from self
QUESTION: Masters, I find myself in a situation that I don’t know how to get out of. I graduated from school in the nursing profession and I can’t seem to bring myself to apply for work. This is troubling because I have been jobless and doing nothing physical with my life for several months. I think during this time I’ve grown emotionally and spiritually. I am hoping to return to school in the future, but in the meantime, I find myself without an income, sitting at home all day, and living a very empty life. I’m losing esteem and respect for myself but I dread the idea of having to work in that profession. And I don’t know where else to work or what to do in the meantime. I wonder if deep down I’m creating excuses and am actually feeling lazy and scared. ~Anna, Canada
ANSWER: Everything in the universe is energy. There are only two kinds of energy on the planet: positive and negative, and only two kinds of feelings or emotions: love and fear. They pretty much correlate. If you are in positive energy there is a sense of peace, love, and understanding. If you are in negative energy you sense fear of the unknown and fear in all of its other forms. Anything that feels like a threat, something to be avoided, or a decision you don’t wish to make, is coming from the negative energy around you.
You were on automatic pilot as you went through school with someone else always at the controls. This meant just having to learn what was shown to you without requiring you to take any responsibility or even make decisions. You like this environment and that is why you even see yourself going back to school.
Any position that you would take right now, whether in nursing or some other profession, would create a panic situation as you began. You have to get more in touch with yourself before you can go out into the world. Nursing has taught you that you like to help people and that you are very good at it. But you have also learned that there are some patients that cannot be helped or do not want to be helped, and you see that as uncomfortable to you.
You need to decide that the world cannot be as you would like it to be, but has to be dealt with in its own form. Whatever you decide to do, just do your very best and the satisfaction that you receive will be sufficient for you. If you remain hiding from your fear of taking responsibility, staying home and not getting a job, you will come to a place where you totally despise yourself, which will cause you to be paralyzed by the fear. Get out of this hiding place now!