Masters of the Spirit World

Q. Masters, no matter how hard I try to make friends I always seem to say something to run them off. What am I doing wrong?

A. Dear Confused One, your biggest problem is in not listening. This stems from two things in your early childhood. First, you were told that children should be seen and not heard and, second, that nobody wanted to hear your opinion because you were stupid. This created an urgency within you to say something—anything—in order to be recognized. You frequently acknowledge to yourself that what you had to say was stupid nonsense but are encouraged by the fact that at least you got to say it.

To start to engage in a meaningful conversation with another person you must have something to say that they want to hear. No one wants to hear noise just for the sake of noise. Before you open your mouth, listen to what is being said; if they are talking about the local sports teams don’t comment on your recent root canal. As you are talking, listen to yourself and ask: Is this something that I would like to hear? If it isn’t, then it is something that you shouldn’t have said. After a while you will “pre-screen” what you are about to say and know if it is pertinent to the conversation.

Because of the negative environment in which you grew up, most of your thoughts are directed toward negative things. When all you talk about are negative experiences other people run away from you because they wish to be encouraged and made happy by their social contacts and not pulled into depression. People want to be accepted, not rejected. While gossip will be readily listened to by your co-workers, they will not want to further associate with you out of a fear that you will then gossip about them—so they run away.

You have an extreme need to be accepted because of your earlier rejection. Stop continuing to think that the rejection will always be there, because then you create the environment for it to flourish. Think happy thoughts of enjoyable conversations with others. Practice with yourself in being totally aware of what each party is saying, then go out and do it. When you are sensitive to others they will flock to you, not run away.